If Your Partner Doesn't Do These 9 Things After One Year, They Aren't Soulmate Material (2023)


by Carolyn Steber

If Your Partner Doesn't Do These 9 Things After One Year, They Aren't Soulmate Material (1)

Ashley Batz/Bustle

While there's no right or wrong when it comes to timing in relationships, you might be able to answer "Is my partner 'The One'?" after the first year of being together. "Just like a good wine, relationships should get better with age," Kac Young, PhD, ND, DCH, counselor and author of 21 Days to the Love of Your Life, tells Bustle. So if your partner is talking about the future, introducing you to their family, etc., it's definitely a good sign.

But if they don't seem to be moving in a forward trajectory, or you haven't passed certain milestones as a couple, it might be a sign your partner isn't as invested in the relationship as you'd like them to be. Or, that they might not be a "soulmate" type of partner who you'll be with long-term. To find out, you'll need to chat, have a heart-to-heart, and see if you can get on the same page.

It's important, though, not to get too hung up on the 12 month mark. "Not all couples reach these milestones after year one," Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Bustle. "For some it takes two to three years, or even longer. But after a year, measuring your relationship against these benchmarks is important if you are looking for a life partner." If you're not with the right person, experts say you'll likely notice them not doing some of the things below.


Talking About Your Future Together

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When a person's excited about the future, they talk about it. So it's a great sign if your partner seems down to make a few concrete plans, or at least loosely discuss what your lives might look like a few years down the road.

As Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating tells Bustle, "If your partner only talks about the future and doesn’t make any actual plans to spend it together, [they] might not be 'The One.'" It may be that they're too single-minded to make a good partner. And that's something you'll need to know.


Asking About Your Goals & Aspirations

To plan for the future, you'll need to know each other's goals, dreams, and aspirations. So take note if the one year mark rolls around, and these types of things aren't being discussed.

"By a year mark, you and your partner should have discussed how your life will look together," Bennett says. If they haven't, it could be a sign they just aren't as invested as you are. But it's worth it to try and open up a discussion, to see if they are.


Proving Themselves To Be Trustworthy

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It's common to wonder about your partner's commitment in the early days of the relationship. (Are they talking to their ex? Do they still have that dating app on their phone?) But after one year, these worries should start to fade away.

"By year one you shouldn't feel intense jealously or a fear of losing your partner," Dr. Klapow says. They'll make it clear to you that you're together, that they are committed, and you will have had a serious talk.

Of course, everyone has the occasional moment of insecurity. If this happens to you, your partner will also be able to quell your fears. But if you still aren't sure about their commitment levels — even after talking about it and making it clear you want to commit — you may not have a soulmate on your hands.


Making It Clear They Love You

Everyone's different when it comes to how they express their love, so if your partner still hasn't dropped the L bomb, don't panic. It might take them longer than a year to say "I love you," or they may not be the type who will ever say it — the possibilities here are truly endless.

You should, however, have a pretty good idea about how your partner feels. "Within one year of the relationship, your partner should express that they love you and see a future with you, or they [might not be] 'soulmate' material," dating coach Anna Morgenstern tells Bustle. "You know fairly early on if you start feeling the first feelings of love so by the year mark, you should feel certain that this person is someone you see as a long-term partner."


Talking About Moving In

Again, all couples are unique when it comes to living arrangements. But generally, it's a good sign someone has long-term potential if they express interest in moving in together, says therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW.

By the one year mark, you've likely spent a lot of time together, and begun to see that you're compatible. If this hasn't happened, however, it may be a sign that you two aren't soulmates.

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Factoring You Into Major Decisions

Let's say your partner gets accepted to grad school, or considers a job out of state. "If the relationship's serious, your partner is going to take you into consideration when making major life decisions," Theresa Herring, LMFT, a Chicago-area couples therapist, tells Bustle.

Of course, if they decide to move ahead with plans that may make your relationship slightly more difficult for a while, it doesn't mean all is lost. "But if they're not talking about how you two can make it work if they're living elsewhere, then that's a red flag that maybe this relationship won't last," Herring says.


Introducing You To Their Family

It really does bode well for the future if, after a year, you've both introduced each other to your closest friends and family. "The exceptions to this are when the parents live abroad or particularly far away," Herring says.

As long as that's not the case — and your partner is in contact with their family — you should expect to meet them. If this hasn't happened, however, it may be worth pointing out.

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Ask your partner about meeting the people closest to them, and see how they respond. If you suspect you're being kept at arm's length, that may very well be true. And it's something you'll want to know about sooner, rather than later.


Sharing Their Secrets

It's not a requirement of a healthy, long-term relationship that both partners share every little secret they've ever had. But if someone is committed and sees a future, they will be more likely to open up.

As Dr. Klapow says, "By year one, you should know (through conversation, not intuition) your partners deepest fears, their insecurities, their dreams, their regrets. If you do, then your partner feels safe enough to be vulnerable and authentic with you." And that's a great indication that you two likely have a long, happy future ahead.


Learning How To Argue In A Healthy Way

For a long-term relationship to work, both partners will need to learn how to argue with each other in a healthy way — because disagreements will happen.

And if your partner seems down to do so, that's a great sign. Does your partner fight fair? Do they listen? Do they compromise? (And do you do all the same things for them?) If so, there might be a soulmate thing goin' on here.

However, as Dr. Klapow says, "If you are walking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, or worried that the relationship will be over after strong emotions are shown, they may not be soulmate material.”

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After a year, if it seems like you and your partner aren't on the same page, the only way to know for sure is to ask. If they're soulmate material, they'll also be down to have plenty of open and honest communication.


How should a relationship be after 1 year? ›

A new relationship can be exciting and fun, and once you hit the one-year mark, most people consider it a long-term relationship. After one year, relationship experts agree that you should trust your partner. While nothing significant takes place after one year, it is a good sign that you are in a happy relationship.

Is it normal to not be in love after a year? ›

It is normal for relationships to change over time, and that sometimes includes losing feelings for the person you are with. If you're in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it's important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases.

What is the 2 year rule for relationships? ›

Benson's central recommendation is that dating and cohabiting couples should have a serious discussion about the future of their relationship and where it is going within two years, and if the relationship is not headed toward marriage by then, it is time to end it.

What are the hardest months in a relationship? ›

The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery. The discovery of your partner's imperfections and your imperfections as well.

What is the disappointment stage of a relationship? ›

Disappointment is a stage of love nearly every serious intimate relationship—probably every one that lasts longer than overnight—has to struggle with. It may strike suddenly or build up slowly, but once the battling begins, it can assume tragic proportions for a couple trying to make a life together.

How many relationships fail after 1 year? ›

According to a study by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, 70 percent of unmarried relationships end during the first year.

How do you know when your partner is no longer interested? ›

They have no interest in meeting or hanging out with your family or friends, and don't want you to meet theirs. If you want them to meet your family or hang out with you and your friends on a Friday night and they refuse, they're probably not in it for the long haul.

How do you know when a relationship is over? ›

If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone, or it's difficult to have engaging conversations, your bond could be getting weaker.

Why do relationships fall apart after a year? ›

“Many people break up around the one year mark because they tend to realize that they are simply not as into their mate as they thought they were,” author and relationship expert Alexis Nicole White tells Bustle.

What is the 7 7 7 rule for couples? ›

So I recently discovered the 777 Rule for Healthy Marriages. Every 7 Days go on a date. Every 7 Weeks go on an overnight getaway. And Every 7 Months go on a week vacation.

What is the 333 rule in dating? ›

“My 333 strategy is based on dating three people, at the same time, for three months, and giving them three chances if something bothers you comes up. A chance to talk about it and see if you can work through things together to help break out of falling into disposable dating traps too.

What is 7 7 7 rule? ›

RULE 7:7-7 - Discovery and Inspection. (a) Scope. If the government is represented by the municipal prosecutor or a private prosecutor in a cross complaint case, discovery shall be available to the parties only as provided by this rule, unless the court otherwise orders.

What year do most relationships fail? ›

The likelihood of a breakup jumps down as the second and again the third years of a relationship pass. But the fourth year of a couple's life is just as likely as the third to end in departure. It's only after a couple reaches the 5th year of their relationship that the likelihood of break up falls sharply.

What are the 5 bonding stages for a man? ›

Appreciation, infatuation, attraction, impression, and conviction are the 5 bonding stages for a man.

What month do the most couples break up? ›

March Is the Most Common Time for Couples To Split — Here's the Best Way To Do It Amicably.

What are the stages of relationship decline? ›

The coming apart stages include: differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating.

What are signs of disappointment? ›

Disappointment is the negative emotion you feel when an outcome doesn't match up to your expectations. Characterised by feelings of sadness, loss, anger and frustration, disappointment is an unavoidable part of life – but it's not always easy to deal with, even if your setback is relatively minor.

What are the stages of a failed relationship? ›

Knowing the phases of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — can help normalize one's break-up experience.

Who is more likely to end a relationship? ›

While it is established that about half of all marriages end in divorce, it is commonly assumed that the breakups are initiated by both genders equally. In fact, it is surprising to most people that women are actually more likely to end their marriages than men.

What is the 1 year rule relationship? ›

The law states a person is still considered a “patient” for one year after the therapeutic nurse-patient relationship is over. This means a nurse should not be involved in any form of sexual relations with that individual during the one year timeframe post-care.

At what point do relationships usually end? ›

Studies have shown that relationships generally end within 3 to 5 months from the day they begin.

How do you know if your partner has cheated? ›

  1. Altered Schedule. If working late is suddenly a new normal even though your partner's job doesn't really require it, they may not be telling the truth about where they are.
  2. Uncomfortable Friends. The friends of the cheating partner usually know about it before you do. ...
  3. Inconsistent Expenses. ...
  4. False Accusations of Cheating.
Dec 13, 2022

What are red flags in a relationship? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

What is the biggest downfall in a relationship? ›

The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy. This article discusses why each may cause a relationship to come to an end.

Why do most couples break up after a year? ›

The most common reasons people break up usually involve a lack of emotional intimacy, sexual incompatibility, differences in life goals, and poor communication and conflict resolution skills. There are no wrong or good reasons to break up.

What is the 2 year slump in a relationship? ›

‍Research shows that after the blissful intoxication of falling in love, most people come off the high within 2 years of starting the relationship, at which point their happiness levels return to about where they were beforehand (there are outliers, though: the people who experience the biggest happiness gains when ...

What is the 321 rule for couples? ›

The 2-2-2 Rule involves going on a date night every two weeks, spending a weekend away every two months and taking a week-long vacation away every two years. The idea behind it is that prioritizing and planning to spend time together strengthens your relationship.

What is the 8 20 rule in dating? ›

The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself. Sounds like the perfect excuse to treat yourself to a spa day. This idea of an 80/20 time split is nothing new.

What is rule 6 in relationship? ›

Six degrees of separation is the idea that all people are six or fewer social connections away from each other. As a result, a chain of "friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps. It is also known as the six handshakes rule.

What is the 222 rule for couples? ›

Enter the 2-2-2 rule: Try and swing a date night every two weeks, a weekend away every two months and a week away every two years. The rule has its origins on a Reddit thread from 2015 and has in recent weeks reappeared on social media as a form of relationship advice.

What is the 555 rule in relationships? ›

They use the “5-5-5” method to work through problems

“My job is to just listen, and then she'll listen and I'll talk for 5 minutes, and then we dialogue about it for the last five minutes,” Clarke says. “And it's important to keep it a 5-5-5, not a 5-5-45.”

What is the angel number for soulmate? ›

Soulmate angel number: 555

Romance, passion, change, new beginnings: there are multiple interpretations attached to this angel number. If you keep seeing 555 around you, know that there's change coming your way.

What is the rule of 7 3? ›

Rule 7 – Section 3 – BATTING INFRACTIONS — A BATTER SHALL NOT: 7-3-1 Delay the game by failing to take his position promptly in the batter's box within 20 seconds. The batter must keep at least one foot in the batter's box throughout the time at bat.

What is Regulation F? ›

What is Regulation F? Reg F is a new law that all debt collectors have to adhere to. The overall aim of Regulation F is to outline prohibitions on harassment or abuse, false or misleading representations, and unfair practices.

What is the rule of 7 in marriage? ›

The rule suggests the younger person in a relationship should be older than half the older person's age plus seven years in order for the relationship to be socially acceptable.

What year is divorce most likely? ›

While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.

What age do couples break up? ›

The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old. 24. 60 percent of all divorces involve individuals aged 25 to 39.

Why do couples break up at year 7? ›

The 7-Year Itch is the idea that marriages start to decline or end in divorce around the seven-year mark due to boredom or even unhappiness. Either one or both partners can feel the 7-Year Itch and can be produced by several different factors, including: Lack of communication. Miscommunication.

What do guys bond over? ›

Just like women may love to talk about men, men love to bond over women and their dating experiences with their fellow bros. From talking about a girl that they found cute, to a harmless crush on a teacher, men often engage in banter over women - be it celebrity crushes or Sharma Ji's daughter next door.

What Behaviour makes a man fall in love? ›

Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.

How important is male bonding? ›

A study shows that male bonding may reduce your stress or help you adapt to stressful situations. Guys! Science says a night out with your bros after a long day is good for you — or at least the bonding that goes along with it.

What happens in a relationship after one year? ›

A new relationship can be exciting and fun, and once you hit the one-year mark, most people consider it a long-term relationship. After one year, relationship experts agree that you should trust your partner. While nothing significant takes place after one year, it is a good sign that you are in a happy relationship.

How many times does the average person fall in love? ›

A study has shown that a person can fall in love at least three times in their lifetime. However, each one of these relationships can happen in a different light from the one before and each one serves as a different purpose. Ahh your first love aka the fairytale ending.

What is the biggest breakup day of the year? ›

Psychologist Marny Lishman also offered insight into why December 11 has been dubbed "break up day", explaining the busy time of year puts a lot of pressure on couples.

What is the 1 year relationship rule? ›

The law states a person is still considered a “patient” for one year after the therapeutic nurse-patient relationship is over. This means a nurse should not be involved in any form of sexual relations with that individual during the one year timeframe post-care.

What relationship stage is 1 year? ›

Honeymoon Phase: Start to 1 Year

During this relationship stage, it's crucial not to make any big decisions (e.g. moving in together, getting engaged, etc.).

Do relationships get hard after 1 year? ›

Reality Can Set In After A Year

“After a year or so, the new relationship euphoria begins to wear off, and reality sets in,” Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle.

What to expect in the first year of a relationship? ›

During that initial year, couples face several challenges and learning how to deal with them is key. Couples will likely have to learn how to make time for each other, communicate clearly, and be patient with one another.

Is a 1 year difference in a relationship bad? ›

There is no exact maximum or minimum acceptable age difference considered good or bad in a relationship. Research shows that married couples with a one-year age gap have a much lower chance of separation than couples with large age gaps.

What is the one-year itch relationship? ›

Beware the one-year itch: Survey finds passion in a relationship starts to fade after only 12 months. Forget the seven-year itch. It seems it only takes 12 months for a relationship to start to lose its sizzle. A large-scale study found passion peaks after a year together – and it's all downhill after that.

What are the 5 stages of a relationship? ›

Five Stages of Relationships
  • Attraction. The early days of the relationship are the honeymoon phase. ...
  • Curiosity. As the infatuation fades a bit, you start investigating your partner and who they really are as a person. ...
  • Crisis. ...
  • Deep attachment. ...
  • Commitment.
Nov 19, 2019

What is the 9 month rule? ›

You lose relief on your actual main residence for the period for which the second property is elected as your main residence. If a valid election was made within the relevant time limit, you will get relief for the period for which the election operated, plus the last nine months of (actual) ownership.

Does it take 1 year to fall in love? ›

“[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.” For example, those who believe in love at first sight may tell you that it can take just an instant to feel the sparkle.

How do most relationships end? ›

The most common reasons people say they fall out of love are a loss of physical intimacy, a loss of trust, a loss of feeling loved, emotional pain, often driven by grief over feeling lonely, and negative views of oneself (poor self-image, feeling like a failure) driven by feeling rejected by a partner.

At what year do most relationships end? ›

New research shows that relationships are actually more vulnerable to demise far sooner than the dreaded seven year itch. The most common time for a couple to split is right around the two year mark.

What is Breadcrumbing? ›

Breadcrumbing is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. To gain insight into the latest phenomenon in modern dating, we asked Kelly Campbell, Ph.

Why is relationships so hard the first year? ›

The first year of marriage can feel like the hardest because it is full of changes and adjustments as you and your partner adapt to your new roles. Yet how you handle this period of adjustment is crucial to the longevity of your marriage, say researchers.

What is the year 3 of a relationship? ›

What Does The Three-Year Itch Look Like? The 3-year-itch is a pop culture term taken from the seven-year itch. It is said that couples who have been together for three years may know by the three-year mark if they want to remain together or not. They may start to see incompatibilities or find themselves arguing more.


1. How Men Know She’s The One
(Steve TV Show)
2. 5 Clear Signs He Doesn't Love You [Walk Away]
(Jonathon Aslay)
3. Consciousness: Literal and Shallow versus Symbolic and Deep
(Michael Mirdad)
4. 9 Reasons Someone Is Not Ready for a Relationship, Even If They Like You
5. The MAJOR RED FLAGS In A Man You Should NEVER IGNORE | Matthew Hussey
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6. Law of Attraction is a TRAP! with Amber Jeckovich
(Heaven & Healing Podcast)


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